Roman Abramovich gifted dream Chelsea manifesto which gives Stamford Bridge makeover green light
Stamford Bridge renovation like you’ve never seen before, new catering for fans and my best Rio Ferdinand impression, here is my manifesto for buying Chelsea Football Club.
As some of the world’s richest people began submitting their eye-watering offers to buy Chelsea on Friday, it got me thinking about what I would bring to the table if I shared that amount of wealth. The closest I’ve come to such a large amount of money was just a moment ago when I had to tap the number into my phone’s calculator to check that one billion was ten digits.
John Terry and Claire Rafferty called their consortium ‘True Blue’, but my takeover name is better. I was thinking, ‘The Liquidator Waiter’ because my plan will serve the west London side’s best interests under any circumstance.
As a waiter, it’s important to know that the customer is always right, so my manifesto ensures fans will always have a say regardless of whether the chef in the kitchen (aka the manager in the dugout) plates up his best dish. So, here’s my manifesto.
To all Chelsea fans, my plan – which is far better than Daniel Childs’ – includes the renovation of Stamford Bridge, new sponsorship, new catering, boardroom changes and much more.
Stamford Bridge could do with a revamp, couldn’t it? First of all, I’d rule out naming sponsorship of the stadium once and for all. Next, I’d like to rename the West Stand the ‘The Eden Hazard Stand’ – the Belgian has violated enough full-backs in his time on that flank to deserve some recognition.
As part of my renovation, I’d finally begin the expansion of the ground, and I’m talking 100,000 big with a roof. We’d turn the Bridge into an absolute cauldron of noise, transforming it into the most intimidating venue in Europe.
My inspiration for the final stage of Stamford Bridge’s initial renovation would be drawn from Red Star Belgrade’s treatment of the away side; Chelsea would no longer have to share a stage with the away side when walking out of the tunnel. For reference, please watch this video!
The visitors would have a separate, smaller, colder tunnel built out of concrete and lined with police that runs from beneath the Mathew Harding Stand – at least it would be Covid friendly!
Building Bridges
I’d instantly sign the club into a 1000-year-long 50+1 ownership ruling to give fans a voice over the running of Chelsea for eternity.
Trivago? No, TrivaSTAY
For their loyalty to the club through such adversity and uncertain times, I’d look to make Trivago Chelsea’s primary sponsor. The meme potential, free holidays and discounts for fans would be unrivalled.
As some of the world’s richest people began submitting their eye-watering offers to buy Chelsea on Friday, it got me thinking about what I would bring to the table if I shared that amount of wealth. The closest I’ve come to such a large amount of money was just a moment ago when I had to tap the number into my phone’s calculator to check that one billion was ten digits.
John Terry and Claire Rafferty called their consortium ‘True Blue’, but my takeover name is better. I was thinking, ‘The Liquidator Waiter’ because my plan will serve the west London side’s best interests under any circumstance.
As a waiter, it’s important to know that the customer is always right, so my manifesto ensures fans will always have a say regardless of whether the chef in the kitchen (aka the manager in the dugout) plates up his best dish. So, here’s my manifesto.
To all Chelsea fans, my plan – which is far better than Daniel Childs’ – includes the renovation of Stamford Bridge, new sponsorship, new catering, boardroom changes and much more.
Stamford Bridge renovation
Stamford Bridge could do with a revamp, couldn’t it? First of all, I’d rule out naming sponsorship of the stadium once and for all. Next, I’d like to rename the West Stand the ‘The Eden Hazard Stand’ – the Belgian has violated enough full-backs in his time on that flank to deserve some recognition.
